What Was I Supposed to Do? Read online

  James

  “Nevada governor extends COVID-19 shutdown until end of April, urges residents to shelter-in-place,” said the news reporter.

  What the fuck! Another month of this shit?

  I have never been into the news before, but since this pandemic happened, I seem to have a sudden fascination with News 13 and everything that they have to say on the subject of this weird ass shit, COVID-19.

  “Gov. Steve Sisolak has extended all of the state’s emergency actions to mitigate spread of COVID-19 — including closure of public and private schools, a nonessential business shutdown and ban on large gatherings — until the end of April, while urging state residents to shelter in place.

  The governor’s updated order, released by his office on Wednesday morning, is the latest signal by state authorities that the massive disruptions to normal public life needed to combat the spread of the virus are nowhere near over yet.

  Although the initial length of the school closures and nonessential businesses shutdown were set to expire in mid-April, the governor said extending the closures, which includes casinos, was a necessary public health step. The new emergency directive, however, does not include penalties for those who don’t comply.”

  I put the TV on silent, shaking my head, and looked out the window.

  I didn’t know how much longer I could keep up with this game of charades I had invented. I needed to come up with a plan if I was going to come out of this on the winning side.

  “Baby. Why did you mute the news? I wanted to hear what the new plans are,” Yolanda said, emerging from the kitchen.

  She had Junior perched on her hip, fighting him to release her reddish-brown tresses, which my son inherited. The same color as Harper’s hair.

  Yalonda was the perfect package. Beautiful, smart, submissive, and most of all, in love with me. She was a realtor and set us up nicely with so many corporate investment properties, that we were actually doing pretty well – even through the shutdown. I could not afford to lose her, but if I didn’t get this shit together, I knew for a fact she was not going to continue to take my bullshit.

  “My bad, love,” I said. “I am just over hearing about the coronavirus. I think I am starting to have anxiety about it.” I said, pointing the remote back in the direction of the TV and pressing the unmute button.

  “Thanks, babe,” my wife replied. “I am almost done with lunch and then, I am going to take the baby for a walk. Do you want something from out of here?”

  I shook my head, no. Yolanda smiled at me and retreated to the kitchen.

  “In total, the order extends a slew of emergency directives issued by Sisolak over the last two weeks that have upended public life in the state, drastic measures deemed necessary by medical professionals to slow the spread of the virus. These include...”

  I tuned out the news and pulled out my vape. I sat back in my recliner and took a long drag. I needed to calm my nerves and quick.

  Yolanda was going to kill me, leave me, or both if she only knew all the shit that had transpired over the past few months. From the shit that happened between Harper and I, that it was really Harper who had stabbed me, and the fact that Harper was Christine’s daughter was enough for the history books.

  You see, the shit is complicated.

  I met Christine some years back when Yolanda and I were at a crossroads in our relationship. We were finally pregnant, and during her sixth month, she had a miscarriage with our first son. It was bad enough that his heart stopped, but she had to still deliver him. An hour and a half later, my first son, Isaiah, was born, but he never took his first breath.

  For hours, my wife sat there, cradling him. She didn’t say a word to me or anyone else that came into the room to pay their respects to us. She just focused on Isaiah. That’s it. From that moment on, for the next few months, I lost my wife. Literally. She wouldn’t work, eat, or even leave his nursery.

  “Yolanda is experiencing postpartum depression and grieving at the same time,” Dr. Chow informed me over the phone. My wife had just missed her six-week checkup. “Just give her some time. She will come out of it,” the doctor reassured me.

  I heard him, but what was I supposed to do until she came back? That shit was hurting me as well, but nobody seemed to care how I felt. Everyone just cared about my wife’s feelings. I got it, but hell. That was my first born as well. My heart was broken, but I guess I was the man so I was supposed to just deal with it.

  It had been weeks since my wife had even touched me, let alone had sex with me. A brother was in need. I was longing to feel some kind of affection. I worked in personal security for some local celebrities in Las Vegas, and I worked as a bouncer for a few clubs. I was always telling out-of-towners how to get a girl for the night.

  “Just go to www.LasVegasDirect.com, search ‘finding sex in Las Vegas,’ and boom. A list of girls in every price range, evert demographic, and every nationality,” I would often tell them. From the responses I got at the club the next night, the listing actually worked.

  That is where I met Christine. Like I said, I was desperate. I wanted something totally different and way more extreme. Now, I thought, how am I going to keep all of this shit together? Especially now that we were in the middle of a crazy ass pandemic?

  I unmuted the TV and changed the channel. Since all the sports were cancelled, I had to watch some reality television reruns. Anything to clear my mind from all of this bullshit

  Five years before....

  Christine

  Mamma I am hungry and there is no food in the house. Mamma, wake up!”

  I opened my eye a crack and moaned. I had a long night, and this girl was really blowing my high. My ten-year-old daughter stood over me with her hands resting on both of her hips.

  “Damn, girl! Be quiet, shit!” I snapped at Harper. Sometimes, I thought that girl forgot that I was the mamma and she was the kid. I had to admit it, my baby was really responsible and helpful, but right now, I was not in the mood to put up with her shenanigans.

  I rolled over onto my stomach and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I just barely fell asleep and here this child comes, demanding me to get up! What I wouldn’t give for a chance to sleep in on a Saturday morning, like the folks on TV.

  “Mamma, I am sorry for interrupting your sleep, but the water is not working,” Harper said, not sounding too empathetic. “I can’t do my chores and there ain’t no food in the fridge. I was gonna make us breakfast, but I couldn’t. Can you please go to the store or give me some money? I will go to the store myself.”

  Harper transferred her body weight from the left to the right, all while staring me down. I guess I was taking too long to respond, so the child had the nerve to roll her eyes at me. I was about to slap the shit out of Harper, but then realized why my daughter was jumping bad with me.

  The cover slipped off of me, and I only had on my bra with a thong. I pulled the blanket back over me and ordered her to get out. “Give me a minute to get dressed,” I said, “and I’ll run to the store real quick. Okay?” Harper nodded her head and stormed out in disgust, slamming the door behind her. I shook my head and rolled back over in the bed. After a while, I finally got up and slipped into my night shirt.

  When James called to tell me he was outside, I’m sure he didn’t need me to get completely naked this morning. Apparently, he had just gotten back into town and was on his way to get some rest. He was craving some of my peach sweetness and informed me of that when I opened the door, letting him in.

  I barely pulled my night shirt over my head before he started opening a pack of Magnum condoms with his teeth. He pulled his dick out of his pants and commanded me to suck it. I dropped to my knees and tenderly took his dick in my mouth. He pulled my titties out of the bra. He fondled my swelling breast with his hands, as he violently pumped his dick in my mouth. He damn near caused me to choke.

  I missed James so much. I actually asked him to stop by on his way home, but I did not know he was about to treat
me like a $5 hoe who worked the streets. He was the one who reminded me that I didn’t need to work on the streets, but whenever he treated me like this, it made me have my doubts. In one swift motion, he turned me over onto all fours. James slapped that condom onto his Johnson and let loose into me.

  At first, he pushed my thong to the side, but then complained that the material rubbed against his dick too harshly, James told me to take it off. After a couple more pumps, I felt James tense up inside of me. He dug his nails into my hips, meaning that he was about to climax.

  Once he reached his ecstasy, James wobbled into the bathroom with his pants pushed midway down his thighs. Disgusted, I got into the bed, pouting. I didn’t even cum, shit! I thought that after I broke down to him how much I missed him, he would dedicate some real time to me. Look at how wrong I was. James came out of the bathroom and finally decided to ask me how I was doing.

  “Baby, come lay with me for a minute?” I asked him, but I already knew the answer.

  “Girl, you know I have to hurry and go home,” he said. “I just stopped by here real quick because I know I have a bunch of shit to do tomorrow, and I didn’t want to hear your mouth.”

  Seeing the disappointment on my face, James promised that he was going to come back if he was done with everything early. He peeled off $500 from the stack in his pocket and gave it to me. James kissed me roughly on the cheek and hurried out the door.

  Glancing at the clock, I saw it was 3:36. Wow, a new world record. James’s visit had only lasted a total of 18 minutes. I was mad as hell, but really didn’t know why. That shit was typical for the men I was used to.

  I got out of bed and made sure the door was locked. We had just moved into this apartment a few months ago, and I was still nervous about the neighborhood. We were living in a daily-weekly, which was a step higher than a motel. I had been on the Section 8 list for some time now and had to settle for a public housing apartment (also known as the projects.)

  Originally, I’m from Pahrump, a city famous for all of its brothels and barbecue. It’s sad to say, but I was a product of both. My daddy used to make the best barbecue in the city and sold dinner plates every day to all the brothels. Brothels are legal locations where men can visit prostitutes. Even though my daddy should have protected me from the brothels of Pahrump and everything about them, as soon as I was old enough to drive, I became a delivery girl. Brothels, like the Chicken Ranch, made my family so much money that my daddy didn’t care. I know that to this day, it’s one of his biggest regrets when it comes to me.

  Back then, I didn’t know exactly what a brothel was. The only thing I did know was that the women who worked in there were so beautiful and dressed in clothes that I had only seen on T.V. I used to go back home and tell my daddy all about them. He would tell me not to pay them any mind and send me out on my next delivery. I love my daddy, but now I know, he should’ve talked to me about what was going on at those brothels. Really, he should have kept me away from them altogether.

  It didn’t take long before I was recruited to work at one of the brothels and the rest of was history. At first, it was fun to play dress up with the other girls. I didn’t know how to do my own makeup, so they had artists on-site to make me beautiful. The men we serviced were called “johns.” Most of the johns who visited the brothel I worked at were older. They just wanted to watch me walk around and fondled me a bit. It took a few months before I had my first real sexual experience, and I hated it. The man was full of libations, which isn’t uncommon. In fact, he was just like the rest of the johns I had seen before, but it didn’t make him tired and goofy. This man was aggressive and it damn near felt like rape.

  I didn’t think it was going to be like that, and it made me want to leave. Our house mother, Lynn, gave me some pills to soothe my nerves, and my life went downhill from there. I became dependent on the pills. Before I knew it, I kept needing stronger and stronger fixes until the day that one of my regulars, Carlos, introduced me to crystal meth. Carlos was fine as hell! He was of Columbian decent and had the prettiest dark eyes. His solid build and chisel chest did something to me, and I really started to believe this guy was my man.

  Carlos visited me regularly for a few months before he convinced me that I could make triple the money in Vegas. The town was bigger and brighter, and until I got on my feet, he would even let me come live with him. I thought that was the best thing in the world that anyone could do for me, but I was so DAMN WRONG!

  He did help me, but not in the way I thought he would. He became my pimp, and I was his hoe. In the beginning, he would at least have sex with me, but that soon faded away. I was only allowed to sleep on the floor in the living room and only if I met the quota he gave me for the day. If not, he left me outside to work until I met my goal. He would often say, “Shit, Christine! You’re a snow bunny. Those tricks love bitches with blonde hair and blue eyes! You must not be working hard enough. Pay attention and get it together.”

  Every day, I worked hard trying to prove myself to Carlos, but nothing was ever good enough. I think I worked too hard because not long after that, I became pregnant. I didn’t know who the father was because I serviced 10-15 men a night on a bad day.

  When I found out I was pregnant, I didn’t want an abortion. In fact, learning the news made me want the total opposite. I wanted to keep it. I wanted love from something or someone. I wanted to have something that belonged to me. I tried to hide it from Carlos, but it didn’t take long for him to figure it out. He knew he wasn’t spending money on my Tampax bill anymore. When he made the connection, he assured me that the monkey inside of my belly was not going to stop the show.

  Actually, it meant that I had to work that much harder because we were going to have another mouth to feed, and that is what I did. I worked so hard that I got picked up for prostitution during my eighth month of pregnancy and had to sit in jail to clear up all of my warrants.

  At the time, I thought giving birth in jail was the worst thing that could have happened to me, but it turned out to be the best. My labor with Harper wasn’t long, and even though I had been doing terrible things to my body, my baby came out strong and stubborn. Harper possessed a head of dark red curls. Her skin was rose colored and she had green eyes. She was beautiful, like one of the models in the magazines I read, so I named my baby, Harper Collins. Since I had been off of drugs for those few months in jail, I was able to think clearly. I knew that I didn’t want my baby to end up in the system, but I definitely didn’t want her to end up in Carlos’s arms.

  I was able to hold my baby for a few hours before the guard told me that my father and aunt were here to pick up my baby. OH MY GOD! I was so relieved. My baby was going to be safe! But that’s how Harper ended up in Pahrump. I didn’t get her back until last year when my Daddy got sick. Soon after, I met James and he rescued us.

  I finally got out of the bed and went in the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and pushed my hair out of my face. Back in the day, some people would have considered me beautiful, but now, I knew I needed work. My body was my best asset and I didn’t even have one stretch mark. I was thick in all of the right places and stood almost five feet tall. Even though my body was so bomb, I couldn’t make a man stick around. That was why James was so different. I needed to make him fall in love with me. I needed to give him a family.

  Oh well. I shrugged my shoulders. Can’t cry over spilled milk. At least I got some money behind it. And boy, did I need it to get the water back on. I brushed my hair into a lazy ponytail. I decided to get dressed and go do what Princess Harper had commanded. I pulled on a pair of jean shorts and a yellow tank top, then slid on my flip-flops.

  “Harper!” I called. “I am about to go get some food and pay a few bills. Is there anything else you need? Because when I come back, I want to sleep. You hear me?”

  “No, Mamma,” Harper said in a sweet and innocent voice.

  “Okay, baby. I’ll get you some chips too, okay?” I said.

  I k
new that would bring a smile to any child’s face, even Harper’s, and I was right.

  “Lock the door, and don’t let anyone in unless it is James, okay? I love you.”

  I walked outside and heard the locks on the door click behind me. I started the long trek down the stairs to the parking lot. We were on the third floor, so I was ecstatic that my baby did not have a long grocery list. I hated lugging all of those bags up to the top floor. As I walked to my car, all eyes were on me, so I gave a show. I swayed the fullness of my hips with every step. Men watched me, but didn’t wish I was their girl. They watched me because they wanted to sleep with me. Women always turned up their noses when they saw me, like they just knew what I used to be.

  Once I was inside of my car, I did my daily routine. I closed my eyes and said a short prayer for the car to start. When I opened my eyes, I turned the key in the ignition. I heard it hesitate, but it started. Thank you, Jesus! I put it in reverse and began my journey to the store.

  I was at the light on Carey when a white Range Rover pulled up beside me. It was Carlos, my old pimp, but he was in the passenger seat. He was nodding his head to the music when he glanced over in my direction and smiled at me.

  I didn’t smile back. Anxiously, I waited for the light to change and sped off. I didn’t go to the store. I had to make sure that the duo wasn’t following me. Once I saw them turn left onto Civic Center, I finally let out a deep breath. I was trying so hard to stay clean and stay away from my past life. I was trying to have my family with James. I had to make this work, man. I had to be able to have my family.

  Harper

  Aunt Laura, are you awake?” I whispered softly outside her door.

  It was close to midnight, but I needed my aunt to wake up. I had just entered my ninth month of pregnancy, and I was feeling so uncomfortable. This baby was doing all kinds of flips and turns inside of me. I had been lying in bed for hours in so much pain.